Brrrrr… 10 top tips to keep you warm on your winter runs

1.       The easiest way to keep warm is to do it somewhere that isn’t cold. Examples include Brazil, Spain, the Democratic Republic of Congo, or inside your own imagination.

2.       Stuff insulation inside your running clothes. You could use cotton wool, scrunched up newspapers, or your mate Barry’s loft insulation when he goes on holiday for and asks you to keep an eye on his house.

3.       Actually, that last tip has the added benefit of making you look really muscly, so you’ll scare off muggers.

4.       (Unless they’re specifically trying to steal peoples cotton wool, old newspapers, or Barry’s loft insulation).

5.       I’m aware that the last two haven’t actually been tips on how to stay warm. Sorry.

6.       And that one wasn’t either.

7.       Carry a small electric heater with you. Remember to use a really long extension cord.

8.       Just run fast enough that the air around you super-heats, like when a space shuttle comes back into the earth’s atmosphere.

9.       You might think that drinking a lovely cup-a-soup would warm you up, but you’d be wrong. The soup only warms up your insides, and they’re already kept warm by all the layers of guts and stuff. What you need to do instead is liberally rub the cup-a-soup all over your body until you’ve got a nice even coating. Then pop your clothes back on and you’re good to go. And remember, if people at the Parkrun start line are staring at you in disgust as you slowly massage piping hot minestrone over your naked shivering torso, they’re the weird ones, not you!

10.   Pop chilli peppers under the laces of your running shoes. Might work. I’m not a scientist, what do I know?

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