So, I’m staging a bit of a comeback and trying to get my running back on track after experiencing a few months of laziness and lethargy (and cheese. ALL of the cheese), and recently went out on my first proper Long Slow Run for quite some time. It was nothing spectacular, just seven-and-a-bit miles of slow but steady plodding on a drizzly winter morning.
The only thing that happened of any note was that I got soaked by a car as it drove through a massive puddle at mile five. In fact, it seemed to swerve into it, which led me to suspect that either it was swerving to avoid a baby panda who had, unseen by me, wandered out into the middle of the road, or else the driver was just an absolute c**t1.
As approximately 300 gallons of gutter juice hit me full in the face, several thoughts clamoured for attention:
- Ah, refreshing.
- Ha! The joke’s on him. My watch is waterproof, and my phone’s safely tucked away nice and dry in my other pocket!
- I think I’ve swallowed some fox poo.
- I’m actually fucking soaked now. This isn’t refreshing any more.
- He clearly did that on purpose. I hope he develops crippling halitosis2 and his children all grow up to resemble part-melted ninja turtle action figures.
But it’s important to take something positive from every experience, and so I’m just treating this as another stamp on my journey to becoming an actual genuine authentic runner. I’ve never had a proper blister or lost a toenail, which seem to be key defining moments in becoming a runner (more so than doing a marathon or owning shoes), so I’ll just have to take “being soaked by a moron” as a close second.
1 For younger or more delicate readers, I should point out that I meant “coat”. I was referring to the driver as a coat. And hoping that his fucking buttons fell off and someone did a big shit in his hood, the bastard. Glad I cleared that up so as not to cause offence.
2 Which I realise is quite rich, coming from a man with a mouth full of fox poo.
BEFORE YOU GO…
Hey lovely person who’s reading my blog! How are you? Guess what, I’ve been shortlisted for the 2016 Running Awards. Yay! I was nominated for an award last year, and while I didn’t win, I did get horrifically drunk and became very excited when I found a button on the floor. Long story. Anyway, if you enjoy reading this blog, then frankly you’re a bit weird. But also, it’d be lovely if you could spare a few seconds to vote for me in the online/blog category (I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m unlikely to win “Shoe of the Year”). Here’s the linky: Running Awards 2016. Last year there weren’t snacks, but this year there might be snacks, so please please PLEASE don’t let me not be a part of the potential snack-eating. Fankoo!
Coffee and cake? Yes please, that’d be lovely.