Poll: Why am I not broken?

I’m not sure whether it’s due to global warming, or cosmic rays, or simply that someone has been scattering slippery banana skins around the UK’s most popular running routes, but it seems that a lot of people are laid up with injuries at the moment. The amount of runners taking to Facebook and The Twitters to lament the fact that they’ve been forced to take a break from the sport they love seems to have gone through the roof in the last few weeks.

It’s heartbreaking to see, and I can only wish them a speedy recovery while trying to distract them with lego and adorable pictures of puppies. But the more I think about their injuries, the more I wonder why I’m not sat on the bench right next to them. I’ve had a couple of knee-twinge moments, but that’s about it, and nothing that’s stopped me running for more than a few days.

I’m a living advert for how not to run-proof your body. Despite my best intentions, I rarely foam roll (it’s found use as an umbrella stand for the last few months), I don’t stretch much and I do zero leg strength or core work. I used to take glucosamine and wear a magical magnetic wristband, but that fell by the wayside quicker than the Death Star’s “Free Hug Friday” initiative. And rather than being sleek and economical, my running style can best be described as “flat-footed troll trying to kick his way into a basement. While on fire”.

So why then, after around five years and thousands of miles, have my legs not exploded?

If I’ve learned anything since starting this blog, it’s that the internet is wise and infallible, so I’ll put the question out to you lovely lot…

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12 thoughts on “Poll: Why am I not broken?

  1. Do your eyes glow red when wearing dark glasses? You must be a cyborg – sent back from the future to rid the world of Sarah Connor through running injury by proxy!!! Jokes aside. If you’re desperate, I can recommend a few walls that have caused me some serious inflammation in the ankle department over the years you lucky bugger!! πŸ™‚

    • You might be onto something with the whole cyborg thing. During tempo runs, I have been known to make a noise like a startled dishwasher.

  2. “Five years and thousands of miles” – Wowee ! I think maybe your one of those people whose genes and bones and stuff are made of special things that scientists are trying to discover to fix the rest of us poor sods. Hope you went and rubbed some trees once ya published this post though because it would really would be fate hammering down from the heavens if you tripped over a root and broke your ankle on tomorrow’s run… *I’m touching all of the wood in the vicinity on your behalf as I type this*
    But seriously, embrace it… you’re clearly doing something right! πŸ™‚

    • I think maybe I’m tempting fate on purpose, just to get the inevitable breakages out of the way as soon as possible.

  3. Your description of running sounds more like a Golem, especially with the fire. They were quite hardy creatures of legend that were essentially pottery so watch out for: children’s tea parties, dishwashers, and ghosts from 80s movies (unless you want to get some wet fingers inside your rim); ah, that sounded better in my head.

  4. You’ve probably listened to your body rather than trying to coax it into doing something it mechanically isn’t designed to do.
    You don’t see kids resting up from running around like loons do you? That’s because they’re just running around free from all this baggage that is – you must run like THIS!! This is efficient. Don’t run like this, run like that! Oh and remember to place foot like so when running like this. Yeah!! Without diagrams of those wonderfully perfect peeps showing you exactly how you’re doing it all wrong the advice makes no sense whatsoever!! So…. grab a pair of shoes (or not!), get outside and run regularly until you can run faster whilst enjoying the whole experience.
    Playing tag is great sprint training.
    Ultra training? That’s running to the shops or offices with a change of clothes.
    Hill training? Play hide n seek tag in a hilly forest. You’ll soon be zooming up and down hills without thinking about how/where/what/why you should be placing feet/arms/body on/through/in xyz!!
    RUN FREE!! Mmmmwwaaahhhaahhaahhaahhaaaarrrrrr….. Glad you’re not injured by the way. Good going. πŸ™‚

    • Love love LOVE this comment. I have been known to wear my parka like a cape and make airplane noises whenever I think nobody is watching.

      • If I had a whip and a dusty hat on my long runs……. I would be Indiana Jones running away from the Giant boulder…. Germans….. Things being blown up…… Yeah…. You’ve got the music in your head now haven’t you πŸ™‚
        Never grow up. Not when it comes to running around like one of the goonies πŸ˜‰

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