“A teacher by day and a grunting, sweating, grimacing gym bunny by night.”
Jay on Rachel
There used to be a Hannah Barbera cartoon called “Stop the Pigeon”, in which Dick Dastardley and Muttley were (inexplicably) WW2 German pilots. At some point in every episode, Muttley would display an almost pathological desire to be given a medal. Now, picture one of those scenes, but instead of a crudely-animated snickering mongrel, imagine a feisty Scot/Italian/American lady with a taste for tight clothes. Also, not a nazi; I really can’t stress that bit strongly enough. The point I’m clumsily making is that, as her nom de plume suggests, Rachel has a wee bit of a thing for medals.
Her blog (www.medalslut.com) is ace, and most posts will see her displaying a deep love of all things running, neatly combined with a simmering desire to punch the world in its face. She’s also on the twitters as @medalslut.
After agreeing to take part in this Q&A, Rachel apologised for taking a couple of months to send it back to me. This apology shows a complete ignorance of what real tardiness looks like, as it then took me three times as long to actually get round to posting it.
Rachel on Rachel
I am a Texan living in Scotland, ticking off local races one medal at a time. I just completed the Paris marathon with a training plan that consisted of one run per week, thanks to an annoying calf injury. I tend to overshare on my blog (medalslut.com), and I like being honest, though most people call this “being a bitch”. I eat meat, drink beer, and sit like a man, but I can guarantee I have never been the owner of a penis. I am a teacher by day and a grunting, sweating, grimacing gym bunny by night. Oh, and I run too.
The Big 12…
1. Which actor would portray you in a movie of your running life? (If someone’s already made a movie of your running life, you can skip this question).
Well, according to that “My Celebrity Lookalike” thing that was all the rage a few years ago, I should really opt for Kiera Knightly, Natalie Portman, Eva Mendez, or Robert Downey Jnr., as they all bear at least an 85% resemblance to me, though I would argue that this is because all of us have eyes, a nose, and can smile. If I had the choice, however, I would definitely choose Kristen Johnson (Sally Solomon from “Third Rock from the Sun”), because although she can look pretty smokin’ hot, she can also look rough as hell, which would be really useful for credible “action” scenes. She also throws a mean punch and has been blessed with constant bitch face – my specialty.
2. What’s the one song that never fails to give you a mid-run boost?
Anything by Dizzie Rascal, though I often have to make a conscious effort not to listen to the words because they’re mostly ridiculous and ruin that “badass” feeling. Also, Nero, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, System of a Down, and, you know, some Britney Spears. And MC Hammer’s “2Legit2Quit”. Hell, I had Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” on my first marathon playlist. My taste in music is appalling.
3. In 12 words or less, explain why people should read your blog. You can double up to 24 words, as long as one of them is “octopus”.
I have no shame. My boyfriend literally had to stop me from posting a really gross experience recently, and in hindsight, that was a VERY good choice (no, I won’t elaborate). Oh, and I laugh in the face of rules.
4. Why did you start running?
Short answer: I was fat, and running is apparently a huge calorie burner.
5. Why do you keep running?
I would like to remain an ex-lard ass whilst maintaining my manly diet. And also the medals, obviously. More recently, I’ve found that running is a pretty social thing too.
6. Running’s nice, isn’t it?
On comfortably warm, sunny days, I would agree. In rain, sleet, snow, ice, hail, blizzards, gales? Not so much
7. What’s the best goodie bag you ever received?
I’ll tell you what the worst goodie bag I ever received was. The 2012 Baker Hughes 10k. Why? There wasn’t one, despite handing them out every other time I’ve run the race. I felt a bit ripped off considering their timing was a shambles as well, and it ain’t a cheap race to enter!
In general, I find goodie bags are mostly filled with flyers and 10% off vouchers, and whatever leftover crap the organizers could get their hands on. Tiny samples of muesli are not appreciated. Nor are samples of bath oils (I don’t have a bathtub), low sodium salt (really?), or anything that is not practical or cute. Basically, I would appreciate a good spread of food, a decent medal, maybe a tech shirt (with writing on the sleeves – amazing), and a spread of edible things for afterwards. In grown up portion sizes, thank you very much.
8. Still on the subject of goodie bags, imagine you’re a race director with an unlimited budget; what five items would you put in the ultimate goodie bag.
1. A long sleeved, personalized tech shirt (this would involve collecting a personalized goodie bag after the race, I would imagine).
2. A bumper sticker of the race, to stick on my desk (since medals and race bibs stay at home) even though I don’t drive.
3. A voucher for a 60 minute massage, redeemable immediately at the massage tents that are obviously near the finish and manned by Javier Bardem, Robert Downey Junior, and someone who is actually qualified to deliver sports massages.
4. A race ‘buff’, in a selection of colours.
5. A ripe banana. Extra stress on the word “ripe”. The banana should be easily peelable and contain NO GREEN.
9. Favourite place to run?
Wherever the sun is shining. Seriously, sunlight is to me what freedom is to prisoners. Something they remember once experiencing, but don’t know when they’ll experience it again. If ever. Scotland is kind of miserable during the winter. Oh, and “winter” lasts 11 months, apparently.
10. A law is passed that states all runners must have a nickname, like Caballo Blanco or Alan “the Turtle” Winthorpe. What’s yours?
I have been called “medal slut” a handful of times, thanks to the 7 people that read my blog. I felt like a rock star, and was eternally grateful that they didn’t shorten the nickname to, simply, “slut”, because a girl’s got a reputation to maintain.
(A good one).
11. If you had a time machine and could go back to when you first started running, what advice would you give your younger self? It’s a special running-themed time machine, so you can only offer words of wisdom that are directly related to running. That means no lottery numbers or warnings of “whatever you do, don’t trust that cheesemonger”.
Take a few rest days. Your knees will like you much more. Also, don’t get fat (technically “running” advice, because being less fat = faster).
12. How are you today?
I can’t complain. I’m feeling productive, which is why I have hunted down this Q&A that was sent to me literally months ago, updated it, and send it to Jay on the off-chance he actually still wants to use it! (Sorry for getting sidetracked!)
Anyone else fancy taking part in B2PQ&A? I promise it won’t take me nearly a year to post it.
Well, it might.
You already know where my blog is, because you’re reading it now. With your eyes. But if you fancy a condensed version of my nonsense (maybe 140 characters of less, just to pick a number completely at random) head over to twitter and follow @borntoplodblog. Oh, and I’ve now got myself on facebook too, so feel free to pop along and share the heck out of my page.
Miss you already. Byyeeeee