Hello, you’re looking fantastic today. Y’know, the sun really brings out the flecks of (insert secondary eye colour) in your eyes. You’re so much more pretty/handsome/Ukrainian (delete as appropriate) than all my other readers.
Anyway, just wanted to pop on and apologise for not posting much over the last couple of weeks. The reason for this is that I was on a secret runners retreat in Sierra Leone and was captured by a sadistic warlord and his private army of robot goats. I chewed through the ropes and made my way back to blighty on a raft fashioned out of yoghurt pots and spit.
Okay, not really. The real reason for my absence is that I was doing parkour with Bill Oddie, but we fell through a skylight into a disused branch of Millets and spent 10 days buried under a pile of half-price kagouls. We survived by using Bill’s beard to pick up old crumbs of Kendal mint cake from the carpet.
Still don’t believe me? I suppose you just think the lack of activity is down to something much more mundane, like the fact that I’ve been busy moving house or something.
Okay, so that’s it. But the other two things could still happen.
We moved into our new place a week ago and are still battling our way through boxes of stuff. The real tragedy of this is that I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even had time to build so much as one fort. That surely has to be some sort of human rights infringement.
Anyway, a week on, and its only just dawned on me that I need to completely rethink my local running routes. For instance, Blueberry Hills (which regular readers will have heard me blather on about many times) used to be on my doorstep, but is now a good 15 minute drive across town. Although I’m quite looking forward to exploring new and exciting routes, I’m also sad at what feels like the loss of an old friend. Okay, slightly melodramatic; I know I can still jump in the car and go there, but its the familiar convenience of it that I’ll miss.
On the plus side, the new house is a bit bigger so I can fill it up with hundreds of new pairs of running shoes.
Normal levels of idiocy and nonsense will be resumed shortly 🙂