“I pledged to run the Belfast Marathon whilst I was horrifically pissed on absinth”
Jay on Matt
Of the many excellent blogs I read, there are a couple that really strike a chord to the point where I feel as though they could have been written just for little old me. One of those blogs is Angryjogger.com, an almost-daily barrage of razor sharp musings* on the joys of running and the many absurdities that can be found along the way. The eponymous Mr Jogger is otherwise known as Matt Waterworth, a chap who hails from Belfast and who can now boast that he is responsible for my first-and-probably-last ever use of the word “eponymous”**
With the title of his blog backed up by an acerbic writing style, I’ve often found myself thinking of Matt as being the Bill Hicks of running. But one thing you’ll notice very quickly is that the veneer of fury and indignation goes hand in hand with an obvious love of the subject matter, like a layer of grumpy lemon icing on top of a deliciously moist sponge running-cake.
Sorry, I was just eating some cake then.
Matt on Matt
I’m a bit of a pain in the arse really.
I’m addicted to Pot Noodles, Cheese-strings, Lindor truffles, Reese’s cups, Wispas (by night), Night Nurse (by Winter) and running (by choice).
The Big 12…
1. Which actor would portray you in a movie of your running life? (If someone’s already made a movie of your running life, you can skip this question).
It’s difficult to say. If you were somehow able to coerce Jarvis Cocker and Paul Merton into breeding in a time machine, then their lovechild might be a good candidate.
There aren’t any actors out there who have a head shaped like mine. It’s massive.
2. What’s the one song that never fails to give you a mid-run boost?
I don’t listen to music anymore when outside but I loved running to “Soon” by My Bloody Valentine when I was starting out.
Nowadays if I’m low in inspiration I recite John Cooper Clarke’s poem “Twat” on-loop to help with my breathing.
3. In 12 words or less, explain why people should read your blog. You can double up to 24 words, as long as one of them is “octopus”.
If you think you’re bad at running, you’ll feel good reading mine.
4. Why did you start running?
I pledged to run the Belfast Marathon whilst I was horrifically pissed on absinthe on the Prague Bar Crawl in July 2010. It didn’t seem like a very good idea at the time. I think I was just trying to impress some cross eyed German girl. It didn’t work either. That’s why I am an angry jogger.
5. Why do you keep running?
I’ve no other choice. I use running as a way to visit new towns in the UK and on the continent. I’ve always loved weekends away, and running a race ties it together nicely. I love writing the blog too.
6. Running’s nice, isn’t it?
It’s great. I evaded a beating one time in Belfast after this group of hoodies yelled “look there’s that crap comedian!” (I think they were implying that I resembled Marcus Brigstocke). I retorted with “look, there’s that c**t!” and immediately regretted it when two of them stepped forward towards me, but I sprinted away like a girl and escaped.
7. What’s the best goodie bag you ever received?
All of the goodie bags I’ve received have been pretty poor really. I don’t expect much though. A bottle of Powerade is fine by me. My body can’t cope with those health bars you receive in most goodie bags.
8. Still on the subject of goodie bags, imagine you’re a race director with an unlimited budget; what five items would you put in the ultimate goodie bag.
2 x small bottles of Wine (that counts as 2 items).
Some Domestos wipes so that I can go for a quick swab in the toilets of Wetherspoons after the race without queuing up in Boots first.
A selection of Reese’s Peanut Butter products.
My final choice wouldn’t be an item. I would like to receive a voucher from the government that allows me to call 999 and use the ambulance service as a taxi cab upon quoting my voucher code. The ambulance would administer Ibuprofen and drop me off to the nearest Wetherspoon’s where I’d order Nachos and some Henry Weston’s Cider (after the quick swab mentioned above).
9. Favourite place to run?
Around Knockagh Hill in Carrickfergus. There’s a war memorial at the top too which is nice. It’s a difficult run mind. When I was a very fat man I’d walk around it, dreaming one day of being able to run the trek. Never seemed possible at the time though.
10. A law is passed that states all runners must have a nickname, like Caballo Blanco or Alan “the Turtle” Winthorpe. What’s yours?
That Angry Prick / Angry Jogger
11. If you had a time machine and could go back to when you first started running, what advice would you give your younger self? It’s a special running-themed time machine, so you can only offer words of wisdom that are directly related to running. That means no lottery numbers or warnings of “whatever you do, don’t trust that cheese monger”.
Stop taking yourself so seriously. Oh and stop boring all of your friends with tales of your running and put it in a blog instead.
I regret that I only started the blog in January 2012, when I started running the year before.
12. How are you today?
In pain, I went on a 9 mile run earlier in the snow and my thighs are red raw from chaffing. I had to clamber up and down the stairs in work earlier with my legs spread apart to stop them touching. Had to answer some strange questions from my colleagues, but I’m used to them now. And they’re used to me.
I have a Wispa though now so everything’s alright.
You can see more of The Angry Jogger by heading to angryjogger.com, following him on Twitter, checking out his Facebook page, or just by following him round the Carrickfergus Castle gift shop and ducking out of view behind a display of locally-produced fudge whenever he turns round.
You already know where my blog is, because you’re reading it, but if you fancy a condensed version of my nonsense (maybe 140 characters of less, just to pick a number completely at random) head over to twitter and follow @borntoplodblog. Oh, and I’ve now got myself on facebook too, so feel free to pop along and share the heck out of my page.
Right, I’m all linked out. Byyeeeee.
Okay, maybe one more.* That’s a bit of a strange expression. Ordinarily, I’d struggle to imagine a barrage of razor-sharp anything being considered a good thing. ** In case you were wondering, the other blog that turns me into a mewling fanboy is Remy’s World by Mark Remy.